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Diastasis Recti-Part 1

mommy-tummyDiastasis recti – in terms of obesity and pregnancy
        Definition
Diastasis Recti is commonly defined as a medical condition of a gap of roughly 2.7 cm or greater between the two sides of the rectus abdominis muscle. In layman terms, your belly sticks out because the space between your left and right belly muscles has widened, as shown in the figure below. And through this space protrudes your internal organs pushing at the thin connective tissue connecting between those abs. This is obvious when you stand and this protrusion goes down when you lie down. You might call it as a “pooch/ shelf/ mummy tummy”. I am sure most women reading this article has ended up here because you think you have that mummy tummy.

                                      diastasis-image

          The full picture
Your internal organs like the small and large intestine, stomach, liver, pancreas etc, are supported well behind the strong abdominal muscle called rectus abdominus. This abdominal muscle is not a single muscle, but it is made of two longitudinal muscles running from rib cage to your pelvic floor. And there is a connective tissue that connects between these two ab muscles. So actually you really have a gap between those two muscles. But held very tight and secure by the connective tissue.

         What happens to those muscles to widen that tight secure gap??
I will focus on obesity and pregnancy related widened gap here.

   Obesity: People who eat more junk, high-fat, processed food or because of their lifestyle, tends to gain weight and ultimately, the fat deposits around the organs and overall body fat increases. This results in added pressure to the abdominal rectus muscles and these muscles slowly start moving apart to give way and space for the added mass. So the organs start to put on their weight on poor connective tissue.

     Pregnancy: Pregnancy with a heavy baby or being pregnant successive years can lead to this condition very easily. In fact, two-third of the pregnant women has it at the time of pregnancy to accommodate the growing baby. The most obvious symptoms that you have diastasis recti while you are pregnant include:
1. When you arch your back, your abdomen takes a cone shape,
2. You have severe SPD (symphysis pubic dysfunction). You suffer the most painful pelvic pain wherein you cannot sit, get up from a place, get out of your bed, etc.,
 3. You have an outie belly button way too early.
Generally these muscles should get back into their place in 6 weeks time post delivery. If it doesn’t, you end up with mummy tummy, chronic back pain and eventually hernia, which can be an umbilical or a ventral one. Either way it needs surgical correction if you end up with hernia. Also it is pretty useless to go for a surgery if you plan to have more babies.
              How to diagnose whether you have diastasis?
First and foremost, see your general practitioner and confirm it. Explain how you feel about your stomach. Much better see a general surgeon who will physically examine you and give a better diagnosis.
Or you can do a self test by clicking any of the links below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySBaouIVjEE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzIrt82maws
If you can afford to get a CT scan of your abdomen, you will get a very clear picture and get focused on how to start to get your diastasis improved.

              How severe is your diastasis recti?
While doing the self test to check how many fingers go between your right and left muscle to determine the severity, it is not only the horizontal separation you measure but also the vertical separation too. A gap of 1 to 3 finger widths is fine and can be corrected quickly and strengthen it. A gap more than 4 fingers needs lots of activating those sleeping muscles. Mine was 8 finger separation up and down. Now it is down to 4 finger separation just by following the do’s and don’ts given below and the six basic exercises of Tupler technique.
              What options do you have to correct your diastasis??

 Separation consisting of a width of 2 fingertips (approximately 1.5 cms) or more is the determining factor for diagnosing diastasis recti.
             SURGERY!! The only solution says doctors. Lets challenge them! Most of them say you can do nothing about it, but time and again many prove them wrong.
My simple logic is: your body underwent a change to accomodate your excess fat or a growing baby. So obviously if u work a little hard to reverse it, you can do it. Those muscles need a little training to work and come together.

       I know the post is getting long but bear with me.
So, you have checked whether you have diastasis of rectus muscles. You are lucky if you don’t have it. But if you found out you have it. Don’t worry. We will sort it out. Let us get into the DO ‘s and DON’Ts of having this condition:
    1. Always pull in your abs and walk straight. The more you slope and walk the more pressure are on those weak abdominals. But it is not simply sucking in your abs.

        Inhale and exhale, when you exhale pull in your stomach and that should be the right position and correct muscles pulled in. Practice breathing in and out in this tight position.

     2. The same goes for when you sit. Sit straight. Hold in your abdominals.
   3. WHENEVER you lift anything, always pull in your abdominal muscles first and then lift. Even when you lift baby in and out of crib, pull up those abdominals.
   4. When you bend down, bend with your knees bent.
   5. When you get out of the bed roll over to one side and get up. No straight-up positions please!!
   6. While you exercise, avoid ANY kind of crunches, oblique twists, pilates, twisting backwards, etc.
    7. Don’t carry baby on your hip. Hold your muscles in. Lift and handle them on you chest. A big NO to baby on your hips.
   8. Stay away from baby carriers. Your abdomen cannot just take that pressure. Say bye bye to it or ask your partner to carry baby.
    9. Last and most important point, do this in your everyday life till you get the muscles in place. Yes, you will forget but whenever you remember do it. I used to remember like once in a week. Gradually in 2 months time that became my routine.
First get the do’s and don’ts right ladies! 🙂
Don’t think this is simple task or it is not working just because you are not breaking any sweat. You are actually trying to build and strengthen your connective tissue here. You are improving blood supply to the the thin tissue. Though you don’t visually see it or feel it, you are bringing a change in your muscles. Slowly and steadily. You are nourishing that tissue again and helping it to gain strength.
The change you can see here is a major change in your middle to lower back pain/ pelvic pain. I used to feel severe back pain but after being consistent in doing the above my back pain was less. Good news here! Meaning you are regaining that strength.

            The few basic exercises, well, it is only 6 of them though they look really simple once you try it, you will understand the depth of the effect on those core muscles. The more difficult you feel to do them indicates the weaker your muscles are.  The following exercises are by Julie Tupler:

diastasis recti

         You can gradually start with first two exercises with less counts and then gradually build up to doing them completely and three sets a day. Then get along with the other exercises and do them three sets over four days of the week. Now that’s it. You are now aware of WHY you have the pooch. So read more, educate yourself more on this and get rid of it.

          Best of luck with the do’s and don’ts as well as the 6 exercises. You will feel the difference if you follow them. Let us get your flat abs back. And let us make people from stopping to comment or ask “Are you pregnant again?”.

          In the part-2 I will discuss various techniques and available online tools for helping correct diastasis recti developed by many people who specializes in this field.

     Any queries please drop in a comment and I will get back to you with the best answer. As you finish reading this, if you feel there are many more people/women unaware of this condition, kindly share it and let others know. Spread the awareness like I did!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

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Different layers of an amazing working mom!!

working-momsWORKING MOM…
What the world see in a working mom: A strong and confident lady, wearing freshly pressed clothes, nude makeup, up-do hair, stiletto heels/classy shoes and a bag of files, head held high, shoulders straight, coffee mug in hand and walking with high self-confidence and attitude. The way she walks and talks is full of class and with an air of elegance. The way she composes herself makes any stay-at-home mom jealous and men think that she is a bold and strong woman!

The reality: what no one sees and will never accept! Let us get into the dirty facts now. Bear with me please!
Being a mother and working to meet her family needs, her responsibilities as a mother is always never-ending, in fact it is a cycle of events where one leads to another. The husband usually comes from work and start ordering “Give me this“, “Give me that“, “I had a long day“, “I am having headache“, etc. However, of course the wife who had a great day at workplace because he thinks she is enjoying and having coffee with her colleagues (Most men think that women are only capable of such activities, they can’t visualize their wife attending or leading meetings. Hurts their three-letter friend called E.G.O I guess) thinks she can do everything.
If the husband helps out in one of the household chores, they are tired to bones, even if it is laundry which is done by machine! So what about us? We cook our food, babies food, wash dishes, clean rooms and kitchens, organize stuff, plan appointments, give bath and food to baby and still they ask the most ANNOYING question which qualifies for a kick-on-their-lazy-butt : “What did you do?” or “What were you doing all this time?”. Again E.G.O talking in their head!
So of course we can’t leave the babies alone at home while we go to work and help husband meet our family needs. So sending kids to babysitter becomes the only option unless you can afford a maid or have parents at home. The husband who already feels he is not doing much tries to pick on his wife to make her guilty and mostly useless. They start by saying baby is not in good hands or they might even go the extent of saying that they are allowing us to send kids to babysitter just because the wife wants to work. Well most women wouldn’t go for a job if THEY themselves were in good hands. So why blame them? Man should understand that his wife works for the best of the family and so does he. The aim is the same and a joint one, then why act against it.Working-Mother-494x328
When they see that their wife is handling a lot by managing a job; fulfilling hubby’s demands; taking care of kids and running a home; men get very very insecure (because they realize that they aren’t  doing as much we are doing, in fact, they don’t even meet one-third of the needs!). So to get rid of that feeling they try to make their wife insecure by insulting her or by saying that she is not a good wife and good mother. I would say to all women out there, If you ever hear that you are not a good wife or mother, give him a tight slap so he wakes up from this deep slumber and be sure he thinks straight before he questions your responsibilities ever again. And the men out there if you ever feel your wife is not doing enough, for one day do ALL the chores she does and I bet you will never question her your whole life, try it today itself! I am serious guys: Step in our shoes once and you will never step in again because it is way beyond what you think!

             Now for the concerned relatives with the following statements :
Oh poor baby
Oh the baby is weak and sad
Oh your hubby lost weight
Anyone who starts with this needs another kick from us moms! Really!! Oh how much I would love to really kick them. Kick. Kick. And kick! I am sure all working mothers out there would join me in the kickathon!!

        My questions to these relatives are:
1. Will you provide for my baby and baby stuff?
2. Babies come in different shades, colors, behaviors, races, attitudes, looks, so what if my baby is lean, fair, or whatever?
3. Just like we have different moods in a day why can’t a baby look sad or maybe my baby is sad seeing your face?
4. Hubby is weak because of what? Is he breastfeeding? Is he physically doing the chores i do? Was he ever pregnant? Did he ever deliver a baby?
5. Lastly do you see only the baby and the husband, what about me? Am I invisible? You don’t ask why I am lean? You don’t ask why I am sad. You don’t ask how my job is?
Very oddly these very relatives have their own daughter/daughter-in-law who works leaving their kids behind and coming home for weekends only. Some do night shift. Some leave their child with grandparents and work in another state. So my dear relatives why is my baby so special to you? Especially when I am away for 10 hours a day only compared to what your own kids do to their own kids!!!
Facebook, twitter or whatsapp, all your friends want to know ‘oh the poor baby is in daycare‘. Even if the mom brushes it off the first time, the questions are repeated almost daily. Annoying isn’t it? So my dear friends, why don’t you come over and babysit my baby. I am looking for someone more trustworthy like my friends who can home and take care of babies rather than sending them to a  babysitter. Pick their pee and poo, spilled food, screaming and screeching? I will pay you handsome money, just do it. And later you will only ask about my well-being and job. Or I can give you a better option. I need money and stuff for my kids can you please send it to my account and address whatever I need??

mother talking on a mobile phone while cooking with her daughter

           Has anyone wondered the struggle a new mom or a working mom of newborn and toddlers go through? I mean those moms who are having two kids under two years like me and several others, till the babies learn to effectively communicate life is all about a big puzzle to understand which cry is for what need!!!!

           1. Do the so-called well-wishers see the sleepless nights a mom goes through all the while where the hubby snores away or goes into another room and sleep? And yet she wakes up as usual and puts on makeup to hide her sleepy eyes and exhausted face!
2. Does anyone see that she wants to provide her kids with stuff so she doesn’t think twice that they are on single income? Don’t mistake her dress for her lavish life, that dress might be bought years before birth of her kids, her money is all over on her kids!
3. Does anyone see the multi-tasking power of doing laundry, cooking and cleaning at one go? Those legs that walk with confident stride are tired from all this!
4. Does anyone see the way how she juggles between her home, job and run errands in such a way to get more time with kids? Those shoulders that are held high are shoulders full of responsibility as a mom, wife and daughter-in-law. She forgets that she is living and breathing too!
5. Does anyone see the heart full of pain for being alone and having no support from her husband or in-laws to help her get through this testing and tough phase? It is covered up in her clothes that show the outer mask of a content and happy lovely life!
6. Does anyone see her mind that is busy planning, multi-tasking, executing and making marriage-parenthood work which is more or less one-man show now? That brain power is hidden in that luscious lock of hair updo!
7. Does anyone see the hardship of keeping her kids happy, husband happy and satisfied and a neat organized home. Still that hardship is hidden behind that beautiful confident smile which makes anyone envy thinking she is leading a very luxurious life!

 And this lovely working mother still  holds her head high because she is worth it more than anyone can value. Though she is not aware, SHE IS WORTH IT!!!!

Like and share this if you enjoyed the read and are an amazing mother yourself 🙂

30 organizing tips for working mothers with babies 0-2 yrs

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                           Hey new and second/third/fourth time moms!! I am sure you are all exhausted and looking for easy tips with those sleepy eyes and messy hair (not to mention the stinky stains on your dress!! ha ha). So to keep up with the pace of technology and lifestyle one needs to plan well and execute, isn’t it? Especially working mothers, who take responsibility of a full time job, fulfill everyone’s needs at home and it gets tougher when babies are thrown into the picture! And the scenario worsens proportionally with the number of kids and other family members..
So why not make our life easy. I really had HARD time to get in track with my routines and so would like to help or give ideas for those lovely moms coming up along this path. Here are my few tips to help new moms and working moms.

1. Plan menu for the coming week on the second day of weekend and do grocery shopping accordingly. Spare 10 minutes to make a list and you will save hours wondering about stuff you need in supermarket and avoid buying unnecessary things. Do shopping on the first day of the weekdays, you will get fresh goods and less rush in the mall.
2. Split into twos while you shop. Give your hubby a list which he can pick up and get the stuff which you can.
3. Have a spare makeup bag in office. Maybe when you have a bad night because the baby and you overslept, just put on your clothes and get baby ready. Do your makeup in office or washroom. Include moisturiser, liner, lipstick, compact, comb, mirror, eyeshadows, pair of clips, etc in your bag.
4. Keep the bags of kids ready the night before i.e. Sterilised Bottles, Formula milk containers, their clothes, bibs, etc. To save time you can keep a big set of pampers, wipes, etc at the babysitters and refill whenever it is over.
5. Set out the dress for work the night before or even better lay out dresses for the week.
6. Make lunch and breakfast for kids night before or keep stuff ready like chopped veggies. And keep extra food in freezer.
7.  Do the same for your breakfast and lunch the night before. If you have canteen or cafeteria go for it. Also alternate days ask hubby to eat from his canteen. Preferably stop bothering about cooking for you and your husband! You add this to your chores then you are done!
8. Ok! So your two-only hands cannot reach everywhere. Forget about the cleaning. Have a maid once a week to mop floors and clean bathrooms.
9. One thing at a time please! Avoid multitasking. I am serious. If you think multitasking helps then you are
wrong. Handling two babies and doing one task is in itself multitasking. You dont want to do laundry and burn your food in the kitchen right? Or cook food and burn your clothes while ironing?
10. Keep a day for errands like laundry day. Separate for adults and kids. Then mall day. Shopping day. Cooking day. I prefer the laundry day on the evening of the last day of the weekdays as I can stay awake for as long as I want to with no rush to prepare for tomorrow.
11. Wake up one hour before kids. Do your makeup and have coffee and prepare their food. Dressing up when they are asleep is easy than trying to do makeup or cooking when they are awake.
12. Have one or two days in a week with no household works. No cooking. No cleaning. Only packing food for your kids. So that you spend some time with kids and play with them.
13.The most toughest part is that babies need a routine. Specific set of routines for a set time. Like 7pm bath. 8pm dinner. 8.30 playtime and 9pm they should be in bed.
14. Keep special toys for kids in the morning when they tend to be on a screaming mode in the morning. This will calm them while you get ready
15. Prepare mashed foods of fruits/ veggies and freeze them in ice cubes. So that you can just reheat them. Remember not to keep the reheated food for further use again. This is also a quick fix in your lazy days.
16. Always Empty the trash, especially the diaper trash the night before. A less stinky home will make you feel good.
17. The more work winded up/ prepped up at night easier it is in the morning. You will be up and running smooth.
18. Whichever day is decided as cooking day (mine is friday and tuesday) try to come from office early.
19.Limit distractions like facebook, instagram, twitter. Want to have social time on net? Do it in the morning and then dont bother. You want to leave for office on time rather than late. So check in your accounts or emails once you reach office or when you take a break or while you walk.
20. Learn super quick meals. This is an art. Browse through 10 to 15 min quick meal recipes and figure out which is good for you.
21. You can make a paste of ginger- garlic. Chilli. Tomato. Mince meat. Even leaves. Etc for a month. Keep them in your freezer.
22. If your hubby is a foodie then Stock up on foods like spring rolls, kababs, tikkas, cutlets, marinated meat upto a month.
23. Sit down and make a list of your daily, weekly, monthly routine. Then make a list of your food menu for kids. Try to incorporate the menu in your routine list. Add in your allotted days (like laundry, shopping) in them.
24. Keep post-it notes. In the midst of busy life we often forget something. So when a thought comes up, pen it down
25. Start following the principle ” every thing has its own place“. Organize all the stuff.
26. Declutter. Get rid of useless clothes and stuff. You don’t want them to make your house messy and occupying your room and subsequently your mind
27. When the baby sleeps, you should relax. Plan what needs to be done. Only plan, don’t move your butt from the bed. Relax and enjoy the peace. You deserve it.
28. Try to split out your chores with your husband. Yes, they are lazy brats! But if you give them instructions they will do it and yes keep your eyes AND mouth closed as to how they do it. What matters is, you get the job done.
29. Any day you plan to go out please wash their bottles, pack their bags and yours too, give them their bath and then only go out. Because once you are back from anywhere you have no time to organize.
30. Keep a log book to plan the next week. Stick up your menu on your fridge door. Keep two menus and alternate it weekly.

There are many more. Will update as I go. After all I am still mastering it!

Please like and share if you found these tips helpful and go on helping out the other lost lovely mothers. 🙂 Take care beautiful mommas!!!

Loneliness of motherhood

lm

When I saw the two lovely lines on the pregnancy stick I was in the seventh heaven. I was thinking of my baby’s tiny eyes, tiny nose, baby lips, little fingers and toes, soft skin, baby smell, tiny dresses and shoes, lovely smile…..

Little did I know of the never-ending cycle of changing diapers, vicious unbreakable cycle of sterilizing bottles, sleepless nights I do rather say sleepless months/years, 24/7 screaming cranky baby, ‘n’ number of times repeated cartoons on TV, etc!!! And to top it all the father of the baby is nowhere to be seen when all this happens. Father gets to see fresh diapered, lovely dressed and a fully fed baby. Yeah, they really enjoy fatherhood but motherhood is lonely because you face the shit alone. Majority of men disappear from their duties as a father. Very rare breed of it face it and makes the mother feel like a queen even though she smells of breastmilk and poop. So let us forget this special breed and focus on the common clan.
Now with my second baby I am done. I don’t get the time to enjoy my baby’s tiny fingers or toes, toothless smile, their milestone/achievements, their funny little expressions etc. Especially the phase of two under two, was soooo painful.
Being a full time working mom, being on duty for eleven hours every working day, life gets so busy that I am unable to enjoy my cute little tiny human beings whom I birthed.

Inspite of having two smiling faces that I see when I am home, motherhood struck the worst lonely feeling in me
.

I experienced the painful episodes of loneliness!! After being a mother I realized no one will take care of the baby other than the mother.. this includes the father and grandparents. Yes, they do care but not the way we want to, so eventually we end up doing everything ourselves. Ultimately being the sole person to organize and do everything. It is fine as mother I love doing for my kids the way i want but the rest of the stuff like household chores, grocery, miscellaneous stuff can be well taken care off by the better half. But no!!! He won’t!
Coming from work and then preparing the babies stuff next day. Bathing. Playing. Feeding. Everything is fine but the household chores take a backseat. There is no one to help. After all this needs of baby being taken care of, we  then start with our husbands needs. His clothes. His food. His things. The ME factor never comes in. The ME time never comes. The ME needs are never fulfilled. The ME desires and needs are never met for. The ME love and care is never provided.
I guess more of the loneliness stems from having no one to share with the daily struggles and needs. The mom itself is busy and others are busy too! So loneliness knocks the door! In fact bangs on the door 😣
Second reason is that moms don’t get the time to look back at the amazing work/job she does! If she sits down, close her eyes and then think of what she has done and being doing…then WOW!!! She will love herself for doing so much. To be so giving and eventually happiness reaches her soul. But there is no time for her. She does everything and she is bone tired to even sit and relax.
Often if you ask help from husband or when you try to follow what most sites and people say ” share household chores or divide them among both of you” you end up more frustrated. Because they help you as a “FAVOR” not a responsibility. So every day they think they are doing a biiiig favor and then the fourth day they just decide “this is it, I am the man of the house and  I order my slave to do things for me”
My question to the husband:

  • Did you ever wash my clothes/kids clothes?
  • Did you ever cook for me when you have headache or fever? ( the point here is no matter what the physical condition of the mother is she still cooks)
  • Did you ever go on for days or weeks or months or years without sleep?
  • Did you stay awake when babies were sick and vomiting a zillion times?
  • Do you get ovulation pains, PMS, periods?
  • Do you get pregnant?
  • What about labour pains and monthly cramps?
  • Try this, pushing out a baby from a small hole?
  • Or cutting through seven layers of your abdomen to take out a baby?
  • Did you feel your boobs get engorged with milk?
  • What about having a baby latched on your boobs for 20 hrs out of 24 hrs?
  • Aren’t these highly impossible for you to do or experience????

Now let me say what I can do like you do:

  • I can pay electricity bills. Phone and internet bills. Rent. Petrol bills. Water bills.fines etc.
  • I can take kids to any doctor.
  • I can take my kids out to play.
  • I can slog around and sit in front of laptop, TV and mobile all day.
  • I can eat and sleep.
  • I can carry out whatever your basic needs are.
  • I can be selfish.
  • I can watch movies myself. Play games on my own.
  • I can take you out on a date.
  • I can do shopping.
  • I can do literally everything what you can do. 

So, please, tell me why you think a baby is sole mother’s responsibility? Why do you think household chores are her’s only? Why do you think women ahould face the music of parenthood alone??

Dear Father of the Baby:

Please help loneliness of mom by making her feel loved and cared. Once in a while take care of the baby and let her take a break to collect herself. Let her talk with friends other than goo goo gaa gaa. Spend some time with her and tell her she is doing a great job and she is an awesome woman in your life. Once in a while, let her sleep longer to catch up on those sleepless nights.Make a cup of coffee and let her drink it hot. I am sure it is ages since she had hot coffee at one go. She is tired from all the screams, cries, spills and what-not, she needs peace and so please help her by taking your turn with kids. Tell her that she is doing her best for your child because she feels she is not giving enough, though she is. But remind her when you can. It feels good to be loved and cared for during this phase rather than pushing herself in the dark world of loneliness and to be lost in this beautiful journey

Love,

Lonely mother

Dear husband: If you were my friend…..

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           Often people say be friends with your husband first, then only the marital relation is more stable and full of understanding. I never understood the full essence of this fact, till I married. After having babies, one will understand the meaning of being friends with the husband. Here also, one may try to be husband’s friend but does the husband want to make you his friend??? Well that is a million-dollar question!

         Dear husband, I want to ask you something. May I?
          If I were your friend:

  • You would have wiped off the tears falling from my eyes rather than let me cry to sleep.
  • You would have lend your shoulders to cry on rather than think she is strong and you give a who-cares attitude.
  • You would have consoled me when I am upset/depressed rather than give me impossible and not feasible suggestions to my problems. Literally aggravating the issue actually.
  • You would have taken me out for dinner so that I enjoy some free time rather than think my wife doesn’t need a break from the kitchen as she is born to be in the kitchen.
  • You would have gifted me occasionally to make me realize that I am still important in your life rather than think oh! she has everything!
  • You would have taken me to visit tourist places/try out different stuff rather than just take me to a mall where I don’t find anything interesting and get bored.
  • You would have done household chores for me happily to lessen my load rather than think it is a wife’s responsibility.
  • You would have called and messaged me to check on how I am doing rather than think I am seeing her all day so she doesn’t need to be bothered.
  • You would have cooked food whenever you could just to see the happiness in my eyes rather than sitting on the dining table waiting to be served with food.
  • You would have supported my career with self-confidence and esteem to reach heights rather degrade me to a housemaid-cum-slave.
  • You would have taken care of kids when I have other stuff to do rather than think home and kids are a wife’s responsibility.
  • You would have watched over the kids once a while, so that I can catch up on my sleep-deprived weeks rather than think it is a mother’s duty to stay up all night all year till death.
  • You would have taken me out for a coffee or talk over tea about future plans rather than think she doesn’t have the time or sense to discuss future.
  • You would have provided me with secure life rather than drag me into a stressful insecure life.
  • You would have cared for me rather than think she is busy and have no time because of the innumerable responsibilities
  • You would have worried over my health be it as simple as a cold or fever rather than let any disease/condition worsen to its worst and then take me to a doctor
  • You would have respected me rather than think I am not a human itself that deserves respect.
  • You would have not have any ego rather than try to assert your male dominance nature.
  • You would have protected me from any insult hurled at me(especially your family) rather than think I am a doormat to be stepped on.
  • You would look into my eyes and talk rather than give your full attention to your mobile screen and listen to my talks half-eared.

    Would you like this to happen with your daughters? Or do you want your daughters to expect this from her husband because she saw this happening with her mother? I want to feel human, be loved and cared, rather than be just a production machine to continue your generation. But what is the purpose of breeding a generation full of  people like you?

     Please be my friend and love me. I love you but I am lost here. I search for myself in this dark tunnel and wonder where I went wrong. Let us start a new beginning with lots of love and understanding. Let us build a foundation of friendship and build a home of love and full of kids!

The noises that fine-tune when you put your baby to sleep

Curious baby under blanket

Oh yes!! Its time to get my younger baby to sleep. Night night time!
My girl is well fed, freshly diapered and about to go into a deep slumber. So I tell my hubby and mother that I am going into the room to put her to bed.
On some days she sleeps like a log. And other days she is on a screaming spree…. O.M.G!!! I don’t want to remember such nights when I am a mombie. I try to soothe her in ‘n‘ number of ways and she finally sleeps after crying like for 2 hours. Leaving me confused and feeling crap, still wondering why was she crying on top of her voice, meh!
Anyways what I observed about my surroundings when my younger daughter sleeps is interesting!
   1. All of a sudden my eldest daughter Princess wants my love and hug. And she comes into the room screaming mummmmmmy.
2. Princess knows that baby is sleeping and so she tiptoes but talks loudly and proudly declaring baby is sleeping. Arrrgh!!!
3. My friends on facebook starts remembering me and begins messaging and there goes my notification sounds in high volume.
4. My boss came up with a new idea and couldn’t resist texting me on whatsapp. Notifications sounds again!!!
5. My neighbour wants to drop their kid for a shortwhile and they call on my landline tring trinnnnnnng
6. My husband needs something and starts searching all the cupboards,opening and closing (banging) doors!
 7. My mom remembers that I didn’t get time to eat so she comes in to ask what I want to eat…(I feel like crying now).
8. My brother studying in Russia wants to talk with me and tries to contact me on IMO. Gosh!
9. My mom starts using the grinding machine.
10. My husband turns on the washing machine for the next rinse.
11. My Princess wants to watch cartoon on TV.
12. My hubbys mobile starts ringing.
13.There was something on the bed which fell down with a thud when I shifted position.
14.Princess starts banging the door, shouting mummmmmy AGAIN!!!
15. Enter hubby again, the doorknob screeches…
And my baby finally decided and gives me an expression that says ” Well what are you trying to do? Make me sleep? Think smart lady!”
Its always the case. I find it strange. It could be that we are particularly more aware of the noises as the baby is going to sleep. But sometimes they all happen together and it’s really way too crazy!!

For the Indian men: a note on Indian working women

Businesswoman holding baby son and coffee cup

In India, the concept of women working is still looked down and often met with harsh remarks. People respond “Oh! she is working??” or ” Why does she need to work?” or “How does she manage a home?” or “Can she manage the role of wife and mom and other roles?” or “Does she cook?” Or “Is she bossy at home?”…… Questions are endless and filled with sarcasm, ego, jealousy, etc. Well I guess the question should be also to the man of the house too

  1. Can you give this woman the self confidence she needs?
  2. Can you give this woman free time so that she can discover her inner self?
  3. Can you give this wife the time for social life: meaning, her own friends and own peer circle rather than family-get-togethers, marriages or house warming functions?
  4. Can you make this woman feel that she is worth more than she knows?

Talk about Indian working class woman :

A million questions arises.

A million fingers rise and point at you.

A million eyes look questioningly.

A million minds wonder.

But when it comes to a man taking care of his wife. What happens?? People ignore. People say, this is how it should be. People think this was the way ever since so and so century.. Now in the working class women, the more under  harsh scrutiny and abused is the sub class called working mothers! Questions faced by the mother are:

  • Oh! who looks after the baby?
  • You trust the babysitter?
  • Does the babysitter care for your kids?
  • Who will take care of your son/daughter after he/she comes from school?
  • What about food for your kids?
  • Doesn’t your baby cry without seeing you?
  • Do you think your kids are happy?
  • Don’t you feel kids will incorporate the babysitter’s behavior and nature?
  • Don’t you worry about their developmental skills and emotions?

I never understood why the father isn’t questioned here. I mean it is obviously with the father’s permission that they decide to go for babysitter. Oddly, these are the questions that are banged on by the in-laws. They don’t want their daughter-in-laws to work but want their own daughter’s to work. They have to have their brains checked! Multiple personality disorder maybe??? Especially the mother-in-law who is more worried about their grandkids. But no matter how much ever you say “Well, why don’t you come over and have some good time with your grandkids, so that my kids are in the best care” but they won’t do so. Then I would rather say, just shut up and mind your own business if you have no other sensible solution! Anyways let me share a fact or a statement what the new generation working class woman of Indian culture need. She needs:

  1. A man striving for excellence in his own job.
  2. A man who can hold reasonable conversation in finance and planning a secure future.
  3. A man who can understand that she too is working same as he is.
  4. A man who understands that man and wife are working together towards their future and security of life.
  5. A man who can at the same time help enough in household chores to earn respect, rather than slopping around.
  6. A man who is self sufficient in meeting his own needs and taking care of himself.
  7. A man who is really secure and happy from his heart that his wife is working.
  8. A man who understands that wife is providing her best and respects that.

Sounds too much. Looks demanding too. I know. Shows that women are bossy. But to be frank WÈ ARE WORTH IT!!!. We are more complete than men. We can work, pay our bills, take care of a home, take care of our kids, manage a full time job and literally do everything what a man can. However a man cannot experience what a woman goes through in her lifetime. Can he ever really grasp the feel of what a woman goes through when she nourishes a child and gives birth? That is when she changes completely and gets matured to provide the best for the kids. It is beyond a man’s understanding and capability. No matter how one acknowledges this fact, this is one hard-core truth. A woman can bear financial, emotional and physical strain as a man can but can a man got through physical and emotional changes a woman go through once she gives birth?

Respect women. Housewife or working. They deserve respect anywhere. If a woman is working it is not monetary or power that is foremost. It is for independence, self confidence, self reliance, feeling satisfied, loving oneself. THEN only comes the value of money and power for her. This is vice versa in case of men, where money and power is the foremost along with a dash of ego! Women are worth it!!!!

A final word to the men species : “Redefine your outlook of a woman”.

You want a woman at home? Go ahead and marry someone who is not educated or someone who doesn’t want to work. Don’t marry a girl who is career-oriented and have a streak of independence. Marry someone who can take care of your things for which you are ignorant to take care of! Dont think ” Oh! I will change her after marriage“. You will hate yourself later for thinking like this and heavily heavily regret that thought. She will change you! Or even leave you! It is not about male chauvinism but Indian culture prompts me to talk like this! After almost 7 decades of Independence, men are still the same as in 1940s.. GROW UP GUYS!!! Open your mind! Accept the woman who is before you as she is. She is herself. She is a human being. She is love and care! You just need to let her be who she is rather than refraining and restraining her from her right to enjoy her life just because she is a woman or a mother or a wife or a daughter or a sister. It will be also good if you can see yourself not as a MAN but that you also have the same role as a husband, father and son. You should play every role too. And that shall define you!