30 organizing tips for working mothers with babies 0-2 yrs

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                           Hey new and second/third/fourth time moms!! I am sure you are all exhausted and looking for easy tips with those sleepy eyes and messy hair (not to mention the stinky stains on your dress!! ha ha). So to keep up with the pace of technology and lifestyle one needs to plan well and execute, isn’t it? Especially working mothers, who take responsibility of a full time job, fulfill everyone’s needs at home and it gets tougher when babies are thrown into the picture! And the scenario worsens proportionally with the number of kids and other family members..
So why not make our life easy. I really had HARD time to get in track with my routines and so would like to help or give ideas for those lovely moms coming up along this path. Here are my few tips to help new moms and working moms.

1. Plan menu for the coming week on the second day of weekend and do grocery shopping accordingly. Spare 10 minutes to make a list and you will save hours wondering about stuff you need in supermarket and avoid buying unnecessary things. Do shopping on the first day of the weekdays, you will get fresh goods and less rush in the mall.
2. Split into twos while you shop. Give your hubby a list which he can pick up and get the stuff which you can.
3. Have a spare makeup bag in office. Maybe when you have a bad night because the baby and you overslept, just put on your clothes and get baby ready. Do your makeup in office or washroom. Include moisturiser, liner, lipstick, compact, comb, mirror, eyeshadows, pair of clips, etc in your bag.
4. Keep the bags of kids ready the night before i.e. Sterilised Bottles, Formula milk containers, their clothes, bibs, etc. To save time you can keep a big set of pampers, wipes, etc at the babysitters and refill whenever it is over.
5. Set out the dress for work the night before or even better lay out dresses for the week.
6. Make lunch and breakfast for kids night before or keep stuff ready like chopped veggies. And keep extra food in freezer.
7.  Do the same for your breakfast and lunch the night before. If you have canteen or cafeteria go for it. Also alternate days ask hubby to eat from his canteen. Preferably stop bothering about cooking for you and your husband! You add this to your chores then you are done!
8. Ok! So your two-only hands cannot reach everywhere. Forget about the cleaning. Have a maid once a week to mop floors and clean bathrooms.
9. One thing at a time please! Avoid multitasking. I am serious. If you think multitasking helps then you are
wrong. Handling two babies and doing one task is in itself multitasking. You dont want to do laundry and burn your food in the kitchen right? Or cook food and burn your clothes while ironing?
10. Keep a day for errands like laundry day. Separate for adults and kids. Then mall day. Shopping day. Cooking day. I prefer the laundry day on the evening of the last day of the weekdays as I can stay awake for as long as I want to with no rush to prepare for tomorrow.
11. Wake up one hour before kids. Do your makeup and have coffee and prepare their food. Dressing up when they are asleep is easy than trying to do makeup or cooking when they are awake.
12. Have one or two days in a week with no household works. No cooking. No cleaning. Only packing food for your kids. So that you spend some time with kids and play with them.
13.The most toughest part is that babies need a routine. Specific set of routines for a set time. Like 7pm bath. 8pm dinner. 8.30 playtime and 9pm they should be in bed.
14. Keep special toys for kids in the morning when they tend to be on a screaming mode in the morning. This will calm them while you get ready
15. Prepare mashed foods of fruits/ veggies and freeze them in ice cubes. So that you can just reheat them. Remember not to keep the reheated food for further use again. This is also a quick fix in your lazy days.
16. Always Empty the trash, especially the diaper trash the night before. A less stinky home will make you feel good.
17. The more work winded up/ prepped up at night easier it is in the morning. You will be up and running smooth.
18. Whichever day is decided as cooking day (mine is friday and tuesday) try to come from office early.
19.Limit distractions like facebook, instagram, twitter. Want to have social time on net? Do it in the morning and then dont bother. You want to leave for office on time rather than late. So check in your accounts or emails once you reach office or when you take a break or while you walk.
20. Learn super quick meals. This is an art. Browse through 10 to 15 min quick meal recipes and figure out which is good for you.
21. You can make a paste of ginger- garlic. Chilli. Tomato. Mince meat. Even leaves. Etc for a month. Keep them in your freezer.
22. If your hubby is a foodie then Stock up on foods like spring rolls, kababs, tikkas, cutlets, marinated meat upto a month.
23. Sit down and make a list of your daily, weekly, monthly routine. Then make a list of your food menu for kids. Try to incorporate the menu in your routine list. Add in your allotted days (like laundry, shopping) in them.
24. Keep post-it notes. In the midst of busy life we often forget something. So when a thought comes up, pen it down
25. Start following the principle ” every thing has its own place“. Organize all the stuff.
26. Declutter. Get rid of useless clothes and stuff. You don’t want them to make your house messy and occupying your room and subsequently your mind
27. When the baby sleeps, you should relax. Plan what needs to be done. Only plan, don’t move your butt from the bed. Relax and enjoy the peace. You deserve it.
28. Try to split out your chores with your husband. Yes, they are lazy brats! But if you give them instructions they will do it and yes keep your eyes AND mouth closed as to how they do it. What matters is, you get the job done.
29. Any day you plan to go out please wash their bottles, pack their bags and yours too, give them their bath and then only go out. Because once you are back from anywhere you have no time to organize.
30. Keep a log book to plan the next week. Stick up your menu on your fridge door. Keep two menus and alternate it weekly.

There are many more. Will update as I go. After all I am still mastering it!

Please like and share if you found these tips helpful and go on helping out the other lost lovely mothers. 🙂 Take care beautiful mommas!!!

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Loneliness of motherhood

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When I saw the two lovely lines on the pregnancy stick I was in the seventh heaven. I was thinking of my baby’s tiny eyes, tiny nose, baby lips, little fingers and toes, soft skin, baby smell, tiny dresses and shoes, lovely smile…..

Little did I know of the never-ending cycle of changing diapers, vicious unbreakable cycle of sterilizing bottles, sleepless nights I do rather say sleepless months/years, 24/7 screaming cranky baby, ‘n’ number of times repeated cartoons on TV, etc!!! And to top it all the father of the baby is nowhere to be seen when all this happens. Father gets to see fresh diapered, lovely dressed and a fully fed baby. Yeah, they really enjoy fatherhood but motherhood is lonely because you face the shit alone. Majority of men disappear from their duties as a father. Very rare breed of it face it and makes the mother feel like a queen even though she smells of breastmilk and poop. So let us forget this special breed and focus on the common clan.
Now with my second baby I am done. I don’t get the time to enjoy my baby’s tiny fingers or toes, toothless smile, their milestone/achievements, their funny little expressions etc. Especially the phase of two under two, was soooo painful.
Being a full time working mom, being on duty for eleven hours every working day, life gets so busy that I am unable to enjoy my cute little tiny human beings whom I birthed.

Inspite of having two smiling faces that I see when I am home, motherhood struck the worst lonely feeling in me
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I experienced the painful episodes of loneliness!! After being a mother I realized no one will take care of the baby other than the mother.. this includes the father and grandparents. Yes, they do care but not the way we want to, so eventually we end up doing everything ourselves. Ultimately being the sole person to organize and do everything. It is fine as mother I love doing for my kids the way i want but the rest of the stuff like household chores, grocery, miscellaneous stuff can be well taken care off by the better half. But no!!! He won’t!
Coming from work and then preparing the babies stuff next day. Bathing. Playing. Feeding. Everything is fine but the household chores take a backseat. There is no one to help. After all this needs of baby being taken care of, we  then start with our husbands needs. His clothes. His food. His things. The ME factor never comes in. The ME time never comes. The ME needs are never fulfilled. The ME desires and needs are never met for. The ME love and care is never provided.
I guess more of the loneliness stems from having no one to share with the daily struggles and needs. The mom itself is busy and others are busy too! So loneliness knocks the door! In fact bangs on the door 😣
Second reason is that moms don’t get the time to look back at the amazing work/job she does! If she sits down, close her eyes and then think of what she has done and being doing…then WOW!!! She will love herself for doing so much. To be so giving and eventually happiness reaches her soul. But there is no time for her. She does everything and she is bone tired to even sit and relax.
Often if you ask help from husband or when you try to follow what most sites and people say ” share household chores or divide them among both of you” you end up more frustrated. Because they help you as a “FAVOR” not a responsibility. So every day they think they are doing a biiiig favor and then the fourth day they just decide “this is it, I am the man of the house and  I order my slave to do things for me”
My question to the husband:

  • Did you ever wash my clothes/kids clothes?
  • Did you ever cook for me when you have headache or fever? ( the point here is no matter what the physical condition of the mother is she still cooks)
  • Did you ever go on for days or weeks or months or years without sleep?
  • Did you stay awake when babies were sick and vomiting a zillion times?
  • Do you get ovulation pains, PMS, periods?
  • Do you get pregnant?
  • What about labour pains and monthly cramps?
  • Try this, pushing out a baby from a small hole?
  • Or cutting through seven layers of your abdomen to take out a baby?
  • Did you feel your boobs get engorged with milk?
  • What about having a baby latched on your boobs for 20 hrs out of 24 hrs?
  • Aren’t these highly impossible for you to do or experience????

Now let me say what I can do like you do:

  • I can pay electricity bills. Phone and internet bills. Rent. Petrol bills. Water bills.fines etc.
  • I can take kids to any doctor.
  • I can take my kids out to play.
  • I can slog around and sit in front of laptop, TV and mobile all day.
  • I can eat and sleep.
  • I can carry out whatever your basic needs are.
  • I can be selfish.
  • I can watch movies myself. Play games on my own.
  • I can take you out on a date.
  • I can do shopping.
  • I can do literally everything what you can do. 

So, please, tell me why you think a baby is sole mother’s responsibility? Why do you think household chores are her’s only? Why do you think women ahould face the music of parenthood alone??

Dear Father of the Baby:

Please help loneliness of mom by making her feel loved and cared. Once in a while take care of the baby and let her take a break to collect herself. Let her talk with friends other than goo goo gaa gaa. Spend some time with her and tell her she is doing a great job and she is an awesome woman in your life. Once in a while, let her sleep longer to catch up on those sleepless nights.Make a cup of coffee and let her drink it hot. I am sure it is ages since she had hot coffee at one go. She is tired from all the screams, cries, spills and what-not, she needs peace and so please help her by taking your turn with kids. Tell her that she is doing her best for your child because she feels she is not giving enough, though she is. But remind her when you can. It feels good to be loved and cared for during this phase rather than pushing herself in the dark world of loneliness and to be lost in this beautiful journey

Love,

Lonely mother

Dear husband: If you were my friend…..

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           Often people say be friends with your husband first, then only the marital relation is more stable and full of understanding. I never understood the full essence of this fact, till I married. After having babies, one will understand the meaning of being friends with the husband. Here also, one may try to be husband’s friend but does the husband want to make you his friend??? Well that is a million-dollar question!

         Dear husband, I want to ask you something. May I?
          If I were your friend:

  • You would have wiped off the tears falling from my eyes rather than let me cry to sleep.
  • You would have lend your shoulders to cry on rather than think she is strong and you give a who-cares attitude.
  • You would have consoled me when I am upset/depressed rather than give me impossible and not feasible suggestions to my problems. Literally aggravating the issue actually.
  • You would have taken me out for dinner so that I enjoy some free time rather than think my wife doesn’t need a break from the kitchen as she is born to be in the kitchen.
  • You would have gifted me occasionally to make me realize that I am still important in your life rather than think oh! she has everything!
  • You would have taken me to visit tourist places/try out different stuff rather than just take me to a mall where I don’t find anything interesting and get bored.
  • You would have done household chores for me happily to lessen my load rather than think it is a wife’s responsibility.
  • You would have called and messaged me to check on how I am doing rather than think I am seeing her all day so she doesn’t need to be bothered.
  • You would have cooked food whenever you could just to see the happiness in my eyes rather than sitting on the dining table waiting to be served with food.
  • You would have supported my career with self-confidence and esteem to reach heights rather degrade me to a housemaid-cum-slave.
  • You would have taken care of kids when I have other stuff to do rather than think home and kids are a wife’s responsibility.
  • You would have watched over the kids once a while, so that I can catch up on my sleep-deprived weeks rather than think it is a mother’s duty to stay up all night all year till death.
  • You would have taken me out for a coffee or talk over tea about future plans rather than think she doesn’t have the time or sense to discuss future.
  • You would have provided me with secure life rather than drag me into a stressful insecure life.
  • You would have cared for me rather than think she is busy and have no time because of the innumerable responsibilities
  • You would have worried over my health be it as simple as a cold or fever rather than let any disease/condition worsen to its worst and then take me to a doctor
  • You would have respected me rather than think I am not a human itself that deserves respect.
  • You would have not have any ego rather than try to assert your male dominance nature.
  • You would have protected me from any insult hurled at me(especially your family) rather than think I am a doormat to be stepped on.
  • You would look into my eyes and talk rather than give your full attention to your mobile screen and listen to my talks half-eared.

    Would you like this to happen with your daughters? Or do you want your daughters to expect this from her husband because she saw this happening with her mother? I want to feel human, be loved and cared, rather than be just a production machine to continue your generation. But what is the purpose of breeding a generation full of  people like you?

     Please be my friend and love me. I love you but I am lost here. I search for myself in this dark tunnel and wonder where I went wrong. Let us start a new beginning with lots of love and understanding. Let us build a foundation of friendship and build a home of love and full of kids!

The noises that fine-tune when you put your baby to sleep

Curious baby under blanket

Oh yes!! Its time to get my younger baby to sleep. Night night time!
My girl is well fed, freshly diapered and about to go into a deep slumber. So I tell my hubby and mother that I am going into the room to put her to bed.
On some days she sleeps like a log. And other days she is on a screaming spree…. O.M.G!!! I don’t want to remember such nights when I am a mombie. I try to soothe her in ‘n‘ number of ways and she finally sleeps after crying like for 2 hours. Leaving me confused and feeling crap, still wondering why was she crying on top of her voice, meh!
Anyways what I observed about my surroundings when my younger daughter sleeps is interesting!
   1. All of a sudden my eldest daughter Princess wants my love and hug. And she comes into the room screaming mummmmmmy.
2. Princess knows that baby is sleeping and so she tiptoes but talks loudly and proudly declaring baby is sleeping. Arrrgh!!!
3. My friends on facebook starts remembering me and begins messaging and there goes my notification sounds in high volume.
4. My boss came up with a new idea and couldn’t resist texting me on whatsapp. Notifications sounds again!!!
5. My neighbour wants to drop their kid for a shortwhile and they call on my landline tring trinnnnnnng
6. My husband needs something and starts searching all the cupboards,opening and closing (banging) doors!
 7. My mom remembers that I didn’t get time to eat so she comes in to ask what I want to eat…(I feel like crying now).
8. My brother studying in Russia wants to talk with me and tries to contact me on IMO. Gosh!
9. My mom starts using the grinding machine.
10. My husband turns on the washing machine for the next rinse.
11. My Princess wants to watch cartoon on TV.
12. My hubbys mobile starts ringing.
13.There was something on the bed which fell down with a thud when I shifted position.
14.Princess starts banging the door, shouting mummmmmy AGAIN!!!
15. Enter hubby again, the doorknob screeches…
And my baby finally decided and gives me an expression that says ” Well what are you trying to do? Make me sleep? Think smart lady!”
Its always the case. I find it strange. It could be that we are particularly more aware of the noises as the baby is going to sleep. But sometimes they all happen together and it’s really way too crazy!!

For the Indian men: a note on Indian working women

Businesswoman holding baby son and coffee cup

In India, the concept of women working is still looked down and often met with harsh remarks. People respond “Oh! she is working??” or ” Why does she need to work?” or “How does she manage a home?” or “Can she manage the role of wife and mom and other roles?” or “Does she cook?” Or “Is she bossy at home?”…… Questions are endless and filled with sarcasm, ego, jealousy, etc. Well I guess the question should be also to the man of the house too

  1. Can you give this woman the self confidence she needs?
  2. Can you give this woman free time so that she can discover her inner self?
  3. Can you give this wife the time for social life: meaning, her own friends and own peer circle rather than family-get-togethers, marriages or house warming functions?
  4. Can you make this woman feel that she is worth more than she knows?

Talk about Indian working class woman :

A million questions arises.

A million fingers rise and point at you.

A million eyes look questioningly.

A million minds wonder.

But when it comes to a man taking care of his wife. What happens?? People ignore. People say, this is how it should be. People think this was the way ever since so and so century.. Now in the working class women, the more under  harsh scrutiny and abused is the sub class called working mothers! Questions faced by the mother are:

  • Oh! who looks after the baby?
  • You trust the babysitter?
  • Does the babysitter care for your kids?
  • Who will take care of your son/daughter after he/she comes from school?
  • What about food for your kids?
  • Doesn’t your baby cry without seeing you?
  • Do you think your kids are happy?
  • Don’t you feel kids will incorporate the babysitter’s behavior and nature?
  • Don’t you worry about their developmental skills and emotions?

I never understood why the father isn’t questioned here. I mean it is obviously with the father’s permission that they decide to go for babysitter. Oddly, these are the questions that are banged on by the in-laws. They don’t want their daughter-in-laws to work but want their own daughter’s to work. They have to have their brains checked! Multiple personality disorder maybe??? Especially the mother-in-law who is more worried about their grandkids. But no matter how much ever you say “Well, why don’t you come over and have some good time with your grandkids, so that my kids are in the best care” but they won’t do so. Then I would rather say, just shut up and mind your own business if you have no other sensible solution! Anyways let me share a fact or a statement what the new generation working class woman of Indian culture need. She needs:

  1. A man striving for excellence in his own job.
  2. A man who can hold reasonable conversation in finance and planning a secure future.
  3. A man who can understand that she too is working same as he is.
  4. A man who understands that man and wife are working together towards their future and security of life.
  5. A man who can at the same time help enough in household chores to earn respect, rather than slopping around.
  6. A man who is self sufficient in meeting his own needs and taking care of himself.
  7. A man who is really secure and happy from his heart that his wife is working.
  8. A man who understands that wife is providing her best and respects that.

Sounds too much. Looks demanding too. I know. Shows that women are bossy. But to be frank WÈ ARE WORTH IT!!!. We are more complete than men. We can work, pay our bills, take care of a home, take care of our kids, manage a full time job and literally do everything what a man can. However a man cannot experience what a woman goes through in her lifetime. Can he ever really grasp the feel of what a woman goes through when she nourishes a child and gives birth? That is when she changes completely and gets matured to provide the best for the kids. It is beyond a man’s understanding and capability. No matter how one acknowledges this fact, this is one hard-core truth. A woman can bear financial, emotional and physical strain as a man can but can a man got through physical and emotional changes a woman go through once she gives birth?

Respect women. Housewife or working. They deserve respect anywhere. If a woman is working it is not monetary or power that is foremost. It is for independence, self confidence, self reliance, feeling satisfied, loving oneself. THEN only comes the value of money and power for her. This is vice versa in case of men, where money and power is the foremost along with a dash of ego! Women are worth it!!!!

A final word to the men species : “Redefine your outlook of a woman”.

You want a woman at home? Go ahead and marry someone who is not educated or someone who doesn’t want to work. Don’t marry a girl who is career-oriented and have a streak of independence. Marry someone who can take care of your things for which you are ignorant to take care of! Dont think ” Oh! I will change her after marriage“. You will hate yourself later for thinking like this and heavily heavily regret that thought. She will change you! Or even leave you! It is not about male chauvinism but Indian culture prompts me to talk like this! After almost 7 decades of Independence, men are still the same as in 1940s.. GROW UP GUYS!!! Open your mind! Accept the woman who is before you as she is. She is herself. She is a human being. She is love and care! You just need to let her be who she is rather than refraining and restraining her from her right to enjoy her life just because she is a woman or a mother or a wife or a daughter or a sister. It will be also good if you can see yourself not as a MAN but that you also have the same role as a husband, father and son. You should play every role too. And that shall define you!

Postpartum depression-How I took the first step!

discoveringmeandlife

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          Depression, be it any kind, is often looked down upon in a society including family and friends. Among all kinds of depression the most undiagnosed and yet the most common form is the Post Partum Depression(PPD) which is seen in new moms. I, myself being one of them would like to shed some light on how to know the symptoms, how to reach for help and how you will feel later! So let’s go for a ride….

           I was really happy with my first baby. But with my second baby it was totally different. She was my surprise little bundle after 14 months of my first baby. I was not able to enjoy my pregnancy because of constant pains in my uterus as mine was cesarean delivery with my first. Anyways I delivered my second girl prematurely when she…

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I miss my coffee after being a mom!

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COFFEE...

I am sure just the word coffee makes everyone to grab that one cup of aromatic and lovely coffee.. yummmmmm..

Well, we have coffee on several occassions: As a guest we are served with, as a friend when we go out for a treat, as a coworker while discussing a brainstorming solution, as a daughter having a talk with mom, as a wife having a cozy evening with hubby BUT as a mother the coffee-drinking becomes a very complicated task and we need a strategy to think how to enjoy a cup of coffee. I remember those beautiful days in my university when I used to have a very big cup of strong coffee with milk and a novel of Tess Gerritsen or Dan Brown to read. Coffee is my love. Now I lost all my relation with it completely.

  Coffee before being a mom

  • Make coffee
  • Switch on TV or listen to music
  • Grab a book
  • Lie on a couch and
  • RELAXxxxx
  • Drink coffee savoring in the taste and smelling in the beautiful aroma

Now lets see drinking coffee after being a mom of two.

Here goes: Both my babies are sleeping. I think ‘maybe’ I can quietly have a ‘ME‘ time and enjoy coffee. Happily I get off my bed and tiptoe out of the bedroom. I enter my kitchen and finally succeed in making coffee without any crying or a waking baby. So far, good..yaaaay! Now I pray that “please God just 10 minutes let me enjoy a cup of coffee”.

  •  I take first few sips of coffee. Lovely and delicious!!!!
  • Suddenly my eldest daughter wakes up and asks for milk. I give her a bottle. Takes 10 minutes to finish her 240ml milk and she sleeps back.
  • Reheat coffee.
  • I sit down again, take a few sips.
  • Youngest one cries as she soiled her diaper. I clean and change her. She doesn’t want to go back to sleep and I play with her. My coffee is getting cold.
  • Reheat again.
  • I continue playing with her forgetting my coffee which is in the microwave in spite of beep sounds.
  • Oops! my coffee….. Cold again and I reheat for the third time.
  • Youngest one starts crying as she is hungry and I breastfeed her for 15 minutes. My coffee is staring at me now!!!!
  • Fourth reheat. Eldest wakes up and asks for food. I make food for her while trying to sip coffee in between.
  • I wash dishes side-by-side and forget my coffee again. Reheating my cup of coffee for the fifth time.
  • Eldest spills water on her dress. So I change her and I saw that the diaper trash is full. I tie up all other trashes including diaper one and discard.
  • My coffee which is half cup full is cold and tastes very odd (yucky in fact!!!) after so much reheating. Yet  I reheat it for the sixth time.
  • Then my hubby calls and talk for few minutes.  My mobile in one hand and the youngest baby in the other hand I give a distant look at the coffee, dreading to drink that brown liquid.
  • Finally I heat it for the ‘n‘ th time and drink in one gulp, no longer enjoying the smell or taste. I had to drink it because I made it and didn’t want to throw that much of milk and coffee bean.

 I realized that being mom takes over all your priorities and drinking as simple as a glass of water takes a backseat. Nevertheless it becomes funny when you pen this down and read this a few years later cherishing that brown liquid which was tasteless and odorless! Still I miss you my coffee. I love you so much that I will make up for all our missed dates@!!@